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I don't wanna grow up @ 11:25 AM
Recently I've realized that a taunting topic among me and my friends is about growing up. How very very soon we are going to be adults. Just seems, way too soon that we'd have to become bland and boring. Makes me think about how have I utilized my youth to the fullest, or more of how should I utilize these very last moments to the fullest. I want to be able to cherish every moment. Do a lot of stupid things, make mistakes, cry and get hurt because I know eventually those tears that I had will become something I value very much. It would have mean that something or someone was important enough in my life for me to cry over. It would've meant that I would've grown stronger for it.
In 10, 15 years time I will be glad to have gone through all these experiences. I already am. Of course, there are bits and pieces of regrets, more often than not I feel lonely and empty here. I'm still happy, that everything happened the way they happened in my life. Yup, my past will be something I will continue to look back on and smile.
Friday, April 27, 2012
The fat conspiracy #ThingsthatIhate @ 10:39 PM
I stumbled upon this no my facebook and I just couldn't but felt like a need to write about it.
Everyone is BEAUTIFUL in Their Own Way ♥
I find that about half of these "inspiration" quotes are written too lightly. I won't even go into the caption, just the picture.
I know I'm not in the best position to talk... actually fuck that shit, I am probably in a pretty good position to complain about fat people. About that, of course I don't have a problem with fat people, I don't have a problem with what anyone does as long as it doesn't effect me - I have lived with this mindset within my current household.
Okay, so where am I going with this? How annoying it is that some people put so much pride in being fat. There, I said it. Am I some shallow bitch? I hardly think so. Why does it annoy me? It's the same thing as how people always say
"If a girl sleeps with hundreds of guys, she's a slut but when a guy sleeps with hundred of girls, he's a hero"
Yes, the reason to that is because we don't have a perfect and fair society. I'm coming out of my feminist side here and facing reality. It's because if a girl wants to have sex with a guy, all she has to do is come by his house and knock on his door. If a guy wants to have sex with a girl, he has to work for it. Society does not put heroism on things that are easy hence, the title slut. Then they go around complaining about how their called a slut and blah blah.
There is a reason why society dwells on fat people in general, maybe society isn't as fucked up as we make it up to be. It's simple really because to be fat you don't have to do anything, you eat all you want, sleep and do whatever the shit you want but to really achieve that body there is a lot of work and dedication required. Thats why I hate it when fat people go around thinking so highly of themselves, talking about how it's society thats fucked up and it's not them, their perfect the way they are.
Maybe I'm not in the best position to say because I don't gain weight but skinny people are skinny for reasons and fat people are fat because you don't do shit about it. Sure, there are people who are naturally fatter just as there are people who are naturally skinnier but I honestly don't believe that there is nothing hard work cannot pay off.
Thats it. End of rant.
In summary, skinny people are generally more attractive for a reason, don't blame society, there is a reason for it.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Updates @ 3:15 PM
There are as many truth as those who tell them
I feel like while blogging, I'm forever complaining about bad and depressing stuff that happens. *shrugs* Why does sharing misery seems so much more popular than sharing happiness? If life was really as problematic as a lot of us make it then why do we bother anymore? Yes, life is unfair but that doesn't make it all that bad.
Update on my life.
I've been worn out recently. Six hours of sleep on average daily, I don't know why I do that, habits are often hard to break.
Between house work, homework, being in school, eating, being online and what not, I barely find the time to be bored anymore.
I've been cooking, almost everyday, sometimes I have no idea what I'm eating but I don't have much of a choice do I?
Umm and I have a to do list that is a mile long yet I'm here just pondering about my life.
But meh, besides me being really busy with rather irrelevant stuff, life has been nothing out of the norm.
Oh, I have this obsession with Park Sora (A korean model) I just love everything about her, her face, her hair, her style and she's just so pretty dammit.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
I hate uni life @ 4:05 PM
I hate having to travel one and a half hours everyday to uni back and forth
I hate when it constantly rains in the morning and I get drenched
I hate how the teachers in uni don't give a flying fuck about anything you do
I hate how they expect you to be up to date with everything, to know everything. I hate how when there's a test that we're informed of it like two seconds before it happens.
I hate how they keep going on about how they treat us like "adults". The difference between uni and school is that "we don't care what you do" - quote my tutor. IF WE CAME TO UNI TO FAIL WE WOULDN'T FUCKING WASTE OUR TIME HERE. It seems that they have trouble establishing that we're here, because WE HAVE A REASON TO BE HERE.
I'm sick of being the bigger person. I'm sick of cleaning up after the house and my brothers mess, cooking for him while he complains, worrying about every cent I spend.
I REALLY want to shout that out at my teachers face, STOP TRYING TO HARD TO NOT CARE. All they ever talk about is how they don't care and how the decision is ours. Like I said, IF WE DIDN'T WANT TO GRADUATE WE WOULDN'T BE WASTING OUR TIME AND MONEY AT THIS SHITHOLE.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
I was... @ 11:53 PM
Thinking back to my younger high school days. Man was I a bitch.... most of all I was a bitch without realizing it until I grew up. I honestly wonder how some of those things come out from my mouth, what was I seriously thinking? and the funny thing is too... that I seem to have a more vivid memory of the bitchy things I said to people.
I used to take dance classes... I don't think a lot of people or any at all would've known that and man... I feel so bad for my dance instructor. This came up to me because I've been seeing a lot of success for his dance group around the news and tv these days. He has always been the number one person I would like to apologize to (in my past wrong doings). Since I can't exactly say it, I thought I'd just write my feelings out.
I don't really remember many things I said to you but I really remember two things.
Once, was when you asked the class if we had any questions and then you continued to say, nobody ever wants to ask me any questions! and I said "then stop asking for questions" If I were able to, I'd go back in time and give myself a slap in the face.
The other time, I also owe sorries to my friend. I won't write out the full story cause damn I am so embarrassed at myself. She said something bitchy about you regarding you and your girlfriend (who came in and thought us too) and I immediately announced it to you.
Did I not have a brain or anything?
I don't really know why, if I said anything really mean to any of my close friends or anyone else I don't particularly have a vivid recollection of it but these few memories with you has continued to haunt me for a very long time. I don't know why, maybe because all this while I've been very sorry about it? How i've treated you? I really want to slap myself in the face right now.
So.... I guess I'd end this post by saying sorry. I really am. I don't know about other mean things I've done in the past but this has really haunted me and I feel extremely bad about it. Sorry and I am very happy for your success. It makes me feel proud to have known you.
Monday, February 20, 2012
I regret it, you know? I regret it. I feel so fucking sad for myself. I couldn't achieve the one thing I was hoping to achieve for my three years of high school life. I really wanted to get over it, I really thought after all that crying and people telling me it's okay that I'd be fine. The funny thing is that nobody blames me more than I blame myself. I was one mark just one mark away. Then I thought to myself, maybe that's the plan, maybe it was just never meant to be. It worked for a while until I got around raging again for being one mark away from the cut off.
What made it worst was that familiar stab to the heart. It's funny how you got me so confident, it's funny how I want to be there because of you instead of the university itself. It's funny how five minutes ago I was telling myself to not mess with the fates until you came along. It's funny how much a stranger can change you so much. Yes, a stranger. I'm going to try my best to stop feeling sorry for myself anymore because there's still a chance and I'm going to take hold of that. All this, for you. You don't really know me, I don't really know you but knowing you're around, somewhere, your presence alone just makes me so much more motivated to get to where I really want to go.
You build me up. Someday, if I made it into my dream university and when we cross paths again I'll tell you it's thanks to you.
Have you ever thought of the possibly of changing someones life? someone out there in the world somewhere, a stranger without doing anything significant just by being the person you are. I don't know if I have but I know someone that certainly has.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
A new start @ 9:45 PM
I never, ever imagine what it'd be like going to university. The weird thing is that even up till now, the thought hasn't exactly crossed yet.
New apartment. New city. New place. New school.
Hopefully, same old me.
I thought about that, about me. Whether or not, now that I'm at a new location would it be a good idea to change myself? to be a new person all together, a better person. Then I thought, if it was so easily done as it is said then the world wouldn't be like this. You know, I'm happy with who I am, I'm not very proud of my personality but I'm still fine with it.
My sentiments exactly
People should really like and accept you for who you are. I think that's such an important thing to bear in mind. Once, I talked really loudly while we were in this restaurant. My brother told me that it would pull people off getting to know me. People will look down on me. It was the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. I said "well fuck them too then." I'm not interested in people, who take one glance and walk away.
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